Thinking About Adopting
“I’ve always thought about adopting a child.” Not to be cliché, but I would honestly be rich if I had a nickel for every time I heard that phrase. I talk with many new people every week to discuss if adoption is the right choice for them. When you are thinking about adopting the answer to this question is not the same for everyone.
adopt – verb : To take by choice into a relationship; especially: to take voluntarily (a child of other parents) as one’s own child. {Merriam-Webster}
Let’s break that down. I’m a “pros and cons” type of gal so we’ll start with the cons first.
To take by choice into a relationship: This is a decision and not one to be entered into lightly. It’s a life-long commitment and let me tell you those cute chubby cheeks don’t last forever. They can turn into a child filled with anger about a “choice” that they had no part of. Not every child wants to be rescued. In my own children I’ve seen this go both ways. Either they are happy to have been “chosen” or wish that they had “never been adopted.”
To take voluntarily (a child of other parents): The genetic makeup of your adopted child is not your genetics. Yes, your adopted children will pick up on your traits and begin to resemble you in a lot of ways, but those beautiful brown eyes didn’t come from you. This reality can be especially hard for people who adopt due to infertility. What I’ve come to understand is my kids are 50/50. Fifty percent of who they are is due to their bio parents such as those adorable dimples, beautiful smile and musical giftings. The other fifty percent comes from us, their parents who teach them wit, sarcasm, their love of the arts and a compassion for humanity.
As one’s own child: This one can be tough for some adoptive parents when the child doesn’t “turn out” like they expected. I’ve spoken with several adoptive parents who have been in a situation where the child has done something embarrassing or wrong and they uttered the excuse “they’re adopted.” I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you sometimes I’ve thought of using that excuse myself. The hard truth is they are your child just like a birth child. You must accept the good the bad and the ugly that can come with parenting.
Not to be a total downer I’ll now break it down by the pros.
To take by choice into a relationship: Adoption is a truly selfless decision. There’s nothing more rewarding than to dedicate yourself fully to another person. You are choosing to change the course of another person’s life. To give them opportunities they may never have had otherwise and to give them a family. I have ever met an adoptive parent who has regretted their decision even in the rough patches. Adoption changes you for the better.
To take voluntarily (a child of other parents): My husband and I chose to adopt instead of having birth children. We didn’t feel the need to have our own little clones. (his words) We wanted to help children already in existence who needed a family. None of our kids have our specific interests and personality. Some people might find this frustrating, but we find it fascinating. My kids are constantly discovering things about themselves that make me wonder “where does that trait come from?” We are never bored because everyone in the family is so different.
As one’s own child: I honestly never wonder what our own birth children would have been like. Our kids have so many of our mannerisms and some of them even look like us. I’ve often had people call me a liar when I’ve mentioned they “are adopted.” There is no perfect child. All of our kids are unique. We are honored to guide them to adulthood.
A lot of people talk about the process of adoption or financial costs associated or the types of children available. When you start thinking about adopting think of your expectations and ask yourself if you can truly commit to an adopted child.
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