Thoughts On Mother’s Day From An Adoptive Mom

MeLisa • May 10, 2012 • 1 Comment

My children are all adopted and will often say things to me like, “You’re a nice Mom” “I like that you are a good Mom” and “You’re the best Mom I’ve ever had.” Yes these are nice little compliments to my mothering capabilities, but they are also reminders. Little reminders that my kids know the difference between “good” and “bad” mothering because they’ve experienced both first hand. This is one of the reasons that makes Mother’s Day different for adoptive moms.

Mother’s Day at my house usually involves a roller coaster of emotions from my children. I literally NEVER know what to expect. I will get handmade cards and boxes of half eaten chocolates, but I also get tears and sadness brought on by thoughts of birth mom and anger brought on by attention being given to me. A lot of adoptive parents ask how to handle Mother’s Day with their kids. My thoughts are this. Your birth mom is the person who gave birth to you. Your mother is the woman who raises you. Take a moment to reflect with your child about their birth mom. Allow them to share their feelings and have positive things to say in response. Then remind your child that this day is meant to celebrate all of the hard work YOU put in to raising them.

Note to Adoptive Moms - Mother’s Day can be like a “self destruct button” to your child. Recognize this emotional trigger so you aren’t frustrated.

Let’s be honest, overall motherhood is a thankless job. We deserve our one day to be recognized. So, if you’re still surrounded by an emotional roller coaster at home then feel free to flee the scene. Spend the day by yourself and get some of that much needed R & R to refuel. I started this tradition after several Mother’s Days where I was not being praised, but instead frustrated by my children who unintentionally sabotaged the scheduled events of merriment. I spend time with my children, but then spend time on myself. I typically go to the movies, get a mani/pedi and focus on all of the parenting milestones that have happened over the last year. And of course call my own Mother to thank her for her tremendous job of raising me.

One of my daughters made this for me

For me Mother’s Day is about celebrating my sacrifice as a mother. I’ve learned to lower my expectations about celebrations and being treated like a Queen for the day. Instead, I use this day as a yearly reminder of the conscious choice I made to be a mother, of the challenges and rewards it brings to my life and how I wouldn’t change a single one of my children.

For ideas of how to Treat Yourself this Mother’s Day CLICK HERE to read my post at ModernHomemakers.com