TPR stands for Termination of Parental Rights.

TPR- VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

MELISA

When you’re in the adoption process you are going to hear a lot of acronyms and form numbers and fancy legal words. To be honest you’re going to spend a lot of time shaking your head yes when really you have no idea what they’re talking about.

RYUN

Now might be the time to practice not looking confused.

MELISA

You totally look confused.

RYUN

 How about this?

MELISA

Still confused. You might want to practice in front of a mirror. First off if you don’t know what a term means it’s always better to stop the person and ask. TPR stands for Termination of Parental Rights. You’re going to hear this A LOT because you can’t legally adopt a child until the birth parents rights have been terminated. Notice I said birth parentS. Very important. Both must have rights terminated before you can adopt.

RYUN

There are two ways TPR occurs. Voluntary and Involuntary. With our adoption experiences we’ve gone through both and each of them have their challenges. We’ll start with Voluntary. Voluntary termination of parental rights is more common with infant adoption when the birth mother has chosen an adoptive family for her child. After she gives birth she signs the proper consent forms. Here’s where it gets a little tricky. There is a time frame that the birth mother has to change her mind about relinquishing her rights. Each state has different laws so do your homework. The waiting period is a very stressful time. But, when it’s over you can breathe a little easier knowing you’re one step closer to adoption finalization. After your child is adopted they’re legally yours forever. In our case all six of them.

MELISA

The other type of TPR is involuntary. In this instance children have often been removed from their birth parents and placed in foster care. Children are removed for different reasons, but most commonly severe abuse or neglect, abandonment, long term alcohol or drug addiction, incarceration or failure to maintain contact with the child. The process for the courts to involuntarily terminate parental rights is a lengthy one. On average it takes 1-2 years. If you are concerned about getting attached to a child that may return home discuss with your caseworker about children who already have TPR.

RYUN

There are many older foster children and sibling groups that have parental rights terminated and are waiting to be adopted. We have adopted two older sibling groups from foster care and it has been an amazing experience for us both times.

MELISA

This is a brief overview so our advice is to learn the law in your state for both voluntary and involuntary TPR. You never know which situation you’ll be in. For one of our adoptions we even had both.

RYUN

If you have specific information you have learned about your state’s laws please share it with our viewers in the comments below. And if you’re looking for more helpful information about the adoption process please sign up for our mailing list at adoptivelegacy.com

MELISA

You can contact with us on our website, Facebook or Twitter. Thanks for watching and remember it’s okay to stop and ask a question if you don’t understand. Adoption can be a confusing process, but we promise you it’s worth it.

RYUN

How’s this?

MELISA

You still look confused.

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Like what you read? Send us your thoughts at adoptivelegacy@gmail.com!

 Social Services VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

RYUN: Social services, social services. Isn’t that some new job that you do with texting?

MELISA: No.

RYUN: Well I think our teenagers should get a job. Texting isn’t free ya know.

MELISA: Social services is an organization that offers aid to disadvantaged families. This can be in the form of housing assistance, to free lunch programs, to health services. In fact every country in the world has their own form of social services.

RYUN: I bet in England they use a fancier name for it.

MELISA: Sorry, but no. They call it social services just like in the U.S.

RYUN: Sadly, social services are most known for helping children who are being neglected or abused. Every month social services receives thousands of phone calls reporting child abuse.

MELISA: When a child needs to be removed from their home a social worker, also called a caseworker, is assigned to the case and places the child in a foster home. The social worker, together with the courts create a plan for family reunification. During this time the social worker finds and provides services to help both the parents, and the child.

RYUN: If the parents are unable to meet the goals established by the court, the social worker then has the job to find the child an adoptive family. If you choose to adopt from foster care you will be working with social services. We talk more about the foster adoption process in our video What is Foster Adoption.

MELISA: You don’t have to look hard to find negative press for social services. However, keep in mind that the average social worker is responsible for dozens of children and their families.

CARTOON: Busy social worker at desk. Turning her head from side to side as more kids pop up. Phone keeps ringing. “Hello social services can you hold please.”

RYUN: We have six kids and it’s exhausting just to keep up with all of their needs. And MeLisa’s not exactly low maintenance.

MELISA: Hey. It’s true.

RYUN: To learn more about social services in your area google social services plus the name of your state.

SCREEN CAPTURE: Google – social services + California

MELISA: Ryun and I have worked with social services for over 15 years as licensed foster parents. If you have questions, or advice for our viewers please leave a comment.

RYUN: We’re also available to answer your questions on Facebook & Twitter.

MELISA: For more on subjects that can help you on your adoption journey sign up for our mailing list at adoptivelegacy.com

MELISA: Ya know you’re not exactly low mainteance yourself.

Title Card: AdoptiveLegacy.com

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I’ve met families from all different walks of life, some who’ve grown up on the streets of the bustling city of Addis Ababa, others from small farm villages, and even a few from southern tribes where their traditions are unlike anything we’ve ever experienced in the “western world”.

For the most part, though, I’ve spent my time in the big city. You’d think that would mean a diminished sense of culture, but that is not the case. Any time there is a public holiday, you see the transformation from daily life to an overwhelming sense of community and celebration. They roll out the red carpets in the middle of busy highways and parade down in full traditional dress and bedazzled umbrellas. On a smaller scale, it’s not totally uncommon to be walking down the street and randomly be invited into someone’s home for a special coffee ceremony.

I typically decline opportunities to hang out in strangers’ homes, but one particular day I decided to branch out a bit and go for the experience. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. The family treated me like a queen. They walked over with a basin full of water and washed my hands for me then they stuffed me with delicious food, and finally poured me three cups of the richest coffee I’ve ever tasted. Once the ceremony part was over, we just talked and laughed at our language barrier and how trivial it seemed in the face of such an amazing moment. I think the most beautiful thing that was said, was spoken by the mother. “Love is blind. I don’t see our difference. I just love you.”

If I could give any insight to a family looking to adopt from this particular culture, I’d advise instilling a sense of pride or growing their sense of pride in the country itself. I cannot count how many times I’ve been asked by a “Habesha” person, how I feel about Ethiopia. It’s a question I get asked daily on the street and even by friends that I see often. “How do you like our country?” “Is the weather nice?” “Are you learning Amharic?”

And just to set the record straight, the weather is awful. They have fly season in May, followed by three months of rain. It literally has rained every day for the past three months. It’s miserable, yet the country’s slogan is “13 months of sunshine”. Another beautiful thing about this culture is the concept of sharing. Every day at lunch someone offers me the food off of their tray. That’s just how it works here. If you don’t have your food yet, eat mine until yours comes.

Of course I would suggest any parents looking to adopt from Ethiopia to come experience these things first hand. All you have to do is go on a walk. I will say in the most bias way possible, though, that I’ve met some of the most amazing kids in the world during my time here.

Many of them have touched my heart in a way that I will never forget, and as a result, I’ll take a lot that I’ve learned here back to America with me.

Bio:

Brianna DiGiacomo currently works for CURE International, a Christian organization that provides free operations for children with disabilities in impoverished countries. She has been working in Ethiopia over the past year, writing the children’s stories and sharing their pictures with viewers online. Brianna has a Bachelor’s degree in journalism and hopes to use her abilities as a writer to share the stories of those who would typically never be heard.

Like what you read? Send us your thoughts at adoptivelegacy@gmail.com!

Like what you read? Send us your thoughts at adoptivelegacy@gmail.com!

Like what you read? Send us your thoughts at adoptivelegacy@gmail.com!

Running Away VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

Adolescence can be surprisingly tricky when raising adopted kids. I’m Ryun Hovind and today I’m going to discuss How to prevent your child from running away. When our oldest son was 9 he struggled with his homework. Consequently he threatened to run away almost daily. MeLisa came up with a creative way to show him why that wouldn’t solve his problem. She made him stay outside all day in our fenced in backyard. No electronics. No toys. Just him left alone with his thoughts. At mealtimes she acted as a soup kitchen for the homeless, providing him with a slice of bread and a cup of soup. Throughout the day, she explained what his life would be like if he chose to leave home.

After that day he never threatened to run away again. Through experience he had learned a valuable lesson. Running away didn’t solve the problem of finishing his homework. Kids threaten to run away all the time. Heck even adults do. The question is when to know if the threat is serious and why the child is making the threat. So, why do kids run away? Well typically it is their solution to escape their problems. More often than not the problem revolves around a fight with their parents. Children also run away because of pressures they’re feeling or they run away from abuse they’re experiencing.

The threat has more weight when the child is a teenager. Over a million teens runaway in our country each year. Sadly, here in Hollywood you see them everywhere. To prevent your child from running away you need to teach your child how to handle stressful situations. Work with your child on how to express their emotions. Show them calming techniques like walking away, lying down, counting to ten, or deep breathing. If you have a teenager who needs extra time to “cool off”, agree on a safe place they can go to. This has worked well for us, just be sure the safe place is with a mentor you approve of. It helps for your teen to vent, but it’s the mentor’s job to ultimately encourage them to return home and FACE the issue.

If your child does run away be sensitive when they return. It’s been just as tough on them as it’s been on you. When they do come home your child will need to know that you still love them regardless of their poor judgment. You do still need to have appropriate loving consequences for their actions. And in more serious instances you may need to involve outside help such as a therapist. It’s a very stressful situation when your child runs away. Remember to be calm. When they return the goal is to prevent it from happening again.

Help other parents know how you’ve handled your child running away. Share your story in the comments below. If you know of someone who has run away and needs help please call the National Runaway Switchboard at 1-800-RUNAWAY. For more information on adoption parenting please check out our website at adoptivelegacy.com

Like what you read? Send us your thoughts at adoptivelegacy@gmail.com!

Like what you read? Send us your thoughts at adoptivelegacy@gmail.com!

Culture VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:

MELISA: What are you wearing?

RYUN: A sombrero. Since our new daughters are Latina I thought tonight we should have a dance party.

RYUN: If you adopt a child of a different race then you become a multicultural family. This is also the case for you and your partner. I am of Norwegian descent and MeLisa is Portuguese Italian. Which is why she’s so sexy.

MELISA: Oh thank you. And such a good cook. Although I don’t know how I feel about food from Norway. I mean fish for breakfast? Blech.

TITLE CARD: WARNING HURTFUL

RYUN: Comments like that are exactly what you want to avoid when trying to encourage open communication with your adopted child.

MELISA: If you choose to adopt a child of another race it is important for you to celebrate their culture. Even if your child doesn’t outwardly show an interest they are inwardly curious.

RYUN: Living in Los Angeles we have several opportunities to expose our children to many different cultures. This access to cultural diversity may not be the case where you live. So, here are some ways you can celebrate your child’s culture at home. Play music that is popular in the child’s country. Visit a museum that has exhibits about their culture. Make recipes from their homeland and eat them together for a family dinner.

MELISA: Some other ways to encourage your adopted child’s culture is to learn the language of their country. To make a book together about their homeland and someday, when they’re old enough to understand and you’ve had enough time to save up, plan a trip to their country.  Just be careful not to overload your child with cultural identity.

CARTOON: CULTURE OVERLOAD

RYUN: It’s equally important to teach your adopted child about your similarities. If you only point out your differences it will hurt your child’s sense of belonging.

MELISA: There are several things you can focus on such as similar taste in movies, music and foods or interests and talents you both share.

RYUN: Just focus on being as positive as you can be and you’ll do great. Your child will see that you care, and that they can openly discuss their feelings about culture with you.

MELISA: Every culture is unique and it is fun to learn about it together as a family. We’d like to hear about ways you’ve taught your children about their culture. Leave a comment below to help out other adoptive parents.

RYUN: Subscribe to our mailing list at adoptivelegacy.Com and we’ll send you helpful tips right to your inbox.

Title Card: WARNING SHAMELESS PLUG

MELISA: Oh yeah, that’s right. If you’re a social media addict like me follow Adoptive Legacy on Twitter, Facebook and Pintrest. So, do you want me to make you fish for breakfast tomorrow?

RYUN: Umm, that does sound kind of gross.

MeLisa sighs annoyed.

Title Card: AdoptiveLegacy.com

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NOTE : THIS IS HOW YOUR CHILD BRINGS UP IMPORTANT ADOPTION CONVERSATIONS SO BE AWARE OF THEM AND READY TO TALK ABOUT THEM.

To give you some personal context to this topic let me tell you that everyone assumes Savannah is my biological daughter because we have similar physical characteristics. I can’t count the number of shocked faces I’ve seen when I inform them she’s adopted. Savannah especially enjoys bewildering people and is usually the first to correct someone “Nope I’m adopted.” When your child hits puberty these thoughts drastically increase due to their constantly changing body. For children who aren’t adopted they can look to their parents for some clues as to their future selves.

I don’t have to dream at all about my future self. My physical characteristics are a carbon copy of my mother who is a carbon copy of hers. Having adopted children has taught me what a gift it is to see a glimpse of my future self as opposed to the mystery that surrounds my kids. Even my little sister Joquena who doesn’t have our mother’s genetic makeup can look to our father’s side of the family to see where her physical characteristics are headed as she ages.

Your adopted child feels anxiety about their body image when thinking about their future selves and it is your job to encourage them. Here are some ways to offer encouragement if you don’t know what their biological parents look like.

“I know you’ll be very beautiful/handsome when you grow up because you’re so cute now.”

“Your great smile will always be the same no matter what age you are.”

“I don’t know if you’ll be short or tall, but I know you’ll be the perfect height when you grow up.”

“Well if you don’t like your hair color you can change that when you’re an adult.”

“No matter what you look like you can always choose your own style.”

“The most important thing about how you look is how you feel about yourself. You have a kind and caring soul and you always will.”

Understand that curiosity is natural and your child isn’t obsessing about this, but it does cross their mind from time to time. Your adopted child may never know their biological parents so, it’s important for you as their parent to express how beautiful their physical traits are. Remember your child’s physical attributes you love so much were given to them by their birth parents and that is what your child sees every time they look in the mirror.

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